I have something to admit, although I may come across as a loud, outgoing, gregarious being, I’m actually ridiciously self critical, unconfident, anxious and very private most of the time. So please appreciate that not only is this a hard post to write, but I also debated not posting it at all (if you’re reading this I’ve braved it, well done me, FANFARE)
This time 2 long years ago, I felt like my life was over, I know I am dramatic, but everything was pretty bad! The man who I loved and thought loved me had broken my heart, I lived with him (200 miles from all of my friends and family) and I had a job I loved. Basically in 4 weeks I’d got from feeling the smuggest cat alive to feeling (and looking) like a sewer rat…. attractive. I had no boyfriend, nowhere to live and felt I had no other option than to give up the job I loved (and the people I loved working with) and move back 200 miles to live with my parents.
I didn’t talk to my friends about it for a long time (I still haven’t really spoken to them about it, because talking about my feelings is not my forte) and spent most of my days drinking wine and watching Homes Under the Hammer and Tipping Point. I think my mum was worried, hahahaa who am I kidding she was beside herself, but I honestly felt like there was no light at the end of the long, long, tunnel.
Christmas was awful, obvs, and you can probably guess I’m the sort of gal who usually loves Christmas. Mum did everything she could to make everything okay, but I was certain it wasn’t ever going to be and thought I’d rather sleep till 11, drink wine all day and never get changed. Washing wasn’t high on the list of priorities either.
Once I’d wallowed in my own self pity over the “festive” period I realised enough was enough and I was desperate to start working again. I was applying for jobs in the Housing Sector but didn’t get anything I applied for, which obviously didn’t help the situation, after all I was already a broken woman.
Mid January I managed to fall into a job, which helped me on the road to recovery and bloody hell it has been a slow old slog but you know what I am *nearly* there….. I think. Slowly over these last 2 years things have fallen back into my place and day by day my poor little heart has managed to piece itself back together (YAY)
I’m just going to take a moment to bathe in my own accomplishments some small, some exciting, some mocking:
- I secured a temporary job working back in the Housing sector
- I survived a restructure and secured above job permanently (with a lovely little payrise)
- I got back into Amateur Dramatics, something I stopped when I was about 18
- I managed to learn how to wash and clothe myself again *sassy*
- I realised that when you are right at the bottom, in the words of D-Ream “Things can only get bettter”
- I bought a flat, yep, true fucking story. And not just any flat the most beautiful dreamiest thing you’ve ever seen – and its ALL MINE!
- I’ve travelled to America and Mexico and Ibiza and Tenerife and been on countless jollys in the UK.
- I started this little blog, which has given me ever so much enjoyment and kept me busy!
There were also (thousands, maybe even millions) of bad times, but you know what, I am not going to be Negative Nelly and moan about those, I think the first 6 paragraphs managed to sum up that side of things quite accurately.
So, to conclude, I am living proof that there is life after death and there is always, always a way out, I promise and although I do not actively encourage it, wine will help, always. All that is left to say is I have officialy checked out of the heartbreak hotel and have checked into Grove House, Norwich and have made so many new memories already…. here’s to 2017 and what exciting things may come my way.