Let me just be clear…. I’m having a bloody jolly old time on my holidays, but it seems like things keep going wrong and I’m starting to get a bit concerned that I’m in the Truman show and million of viewers around the world are lolling at our dramas, because there have been a few, I’ll tell you that for nothing!
Well where do i begin, how about with the elephant in the room – the rain, the bloody torrential rain that lasted for about hmmm 8 days solid… YAY! Day 1 of rain I was caught about 2 miles from the apartment and had to walk back home, felt quite nice for the first 5 mins, yep that soon wore off. (On the same day the beach club I’d walked to didn’t have any rooms free that I’d gone to book and they weren’t serving cocktails.) Ever downloaded 3 different weather apps just to try and find one that says 1% chance of sun, rather than 100% chance of rain for the next 10 days? I have! Lucy and bought cagoules for lols, that was lol for about 4 mins. We felt a bit trapped and debating catching a flight to anywhere in the world that maybe sunny (incidentally it appears England would have been an option…. Annoying) we took to taking a daily hike to the shops to buy gin and snacks in case we got marooned, thankfully we didn’t. Did you know it’s acceptable to drink gin at 10am if there’s torrential rain outside? We did try and make the most of it, but incessant rain can really get a couple of gals down. However touch wood we’ve now had glorious sunshine for 4 days…. Come to mumma.
The foist that comes with the rain – delightful huh? When you can’t dry your soaking wet clothes foist happens, so we’ve been walking round with a whiff of eau de foist for days now.
As soon as the sunshine came out I got ill…. Literally the morning it arrived so did my dodgy tummy, sickness, hot and cold sweats and overall feeling awfulness. I’m still not ok Hun and I’m sure someone’s fucking with me.
And insistence to get drunk when completely inappropriate times – today is full moon party, so naturally Lucy and I had a quiet one last night – jokes we somehow managed to get absolutely ratted and I dragged my sorry arse to bed about 4:30am and today I feel like a death eater…. Willing to suck the soul out of any functioning human who hasn’t got the hangover from hell. Americans 2 tables away I’m talking to you, stop being jolly whilst drinking your daiquiris ( I’m basically crying here whilst drinking water)
Following on nicely from this, the last time we got ridiculously drunk….. A few days ago I booked our hotel room for the next night online at around 11pm. Upon remembering what we’d done in the morning I checked the booking and yep, booked it for the wrong day , WINNING.
We got our backs (and vaginas) broken by a Thai masseuse – in a weird way some of it was very enjoyable, however what wasn’t nice was her insistence to try and remove my neck from my shoulder, thanks doll.
Lucy got bitten by a monkey, need I say anymore? (the man proceeded to tell us said monkey was friendly,not sure I believe that) ps don’t worry he didn’t’t break the skin so we’re not too concerned about scary diseases.
I left my purse (with about £400 in and all my cards) in a random beach club…. Thank you kind sir you came running down the beach after me, he didn’t even take a tenner for his troubles, I wouldn’t have blamed him if he did.
Mosquito bites – everywhere. I’ve got one on my knuckle, my little toe and my armpit for goodness sake.
We went on a speedboat and the propeller broke – cue us bobbing about in the sea for a while whilst the dark clouds descended and the thunder and lightening started – legit thought I was in the start of a horror movie.
We accidentally wandered into the red light district – prostitutes and ladyboys dancing around poles trying to lure us into their bars. Quite funny on reflection, what wasn’t funny was the fact it was a dead end so the only way out was the way we got in! We also wandered into a German bar, accidentally, and everyone was trying to talk to us in German and we were just casually smiling until we’d finished our cocktails and chips.
So yeh all in all its been eventful (but also wonderful), here’s to the next few days!