I have spent today mainly scrolling on Instagram, because I thought I deserved a day off doing 20,000+ steps and more specifically I’ve been going commando for 4 days because I’ve run out of knickers and therefore I couldn’t put off doing washing any longer.
Whilst scrolling I came across a wonderful post by @wetheurban that simple said the following:
Don’t put your life on hold because of how you feel about your body.
Don’t postpone trips or cute clothes because you want to wait until you’re thin.
Life is happening right now.
You are beautiful right now.
Sweet Jesus it spoke to me. Sometimes you have to reach a point in life and you can’t let your weight, your body image, your confidence, your dysmorphia, hold you back any more because IT IS NOT FAIR ON YOU.
It made me think about my body confidence and positivity whilst being in Oz and I realised I’ve done it. I didn’t put Oz on hold because of my weight and I didn’t even do 428 diets before I left, because I was happy with how I look 60% of the time and that’s better than 50% and it’s a damn lot better than 0%.
I’ve accepted that those glossy images we see in the media are often either fake or a teeny tiny percentage of females in this world who do have perfect proportions.
I removed anyone who made me feel shit from my timeline a long time ago, I now fill my feed with beautiful, confident, real, women who inspire and empower me everyday and that is the best gift ever.
I’ve found an inner confidence from somewhere and I don’t know where but fuck I like it. I actually like what I see staring back at me most of the time and it’s okay to feel that way. I will always have a hang up about my stomach, but I’m not longer feeling shitty about my arms and thigh and tits and ankles and neck and everywhere else 100% of the time. People don’t have to see my stomach if I don’t want them to or if I’m having a confident day I can wear a sassy bikini, my body, my choice.
Now let’s not get ahead of myself, my milkshake isn’t bringing all the boys to the yard, but I couldn’t give a single shit about that. I have never been the girl people ‘fancy’ and wanky as it sounds I like to connect with people on a much deeper level than what’s purely on the outside.
I’ve felt more confident on the beach because I’ve come to realise people don’t really give a shit about me, they are usually worrying far too much about themselves to care about other people. If people are judging, quite frankly they’re twats.
I feel more comfortable in my clothes, maybe I have lost some weight….. fuck knows how that would have happened on a diet of ice cream, burgers and Sauvignon Blanc, but the point is, it doesn’t matter if I’ve lost weight or not if I feel comfortable in my clothes and my skin.
I’ve of course had wobbles, worries that people are looking at me and commenting on my weight and that time I wanted to throw myself off a cliff when these beautiful, tanned, girls kept hiking past us in their bikinis whilst we were in Noosa.
But worst of all I’ve had those terrible fears whilst being somewhere very public that something was going to go wrong because of my weight. Whilst sailing the Whitsundays I kept asking Rhi “what if my wetsuit doesn’t fit?” whilst at Seaworld I asked her “will I fit in the ride of this seat?” And at wet and wild I wondered if I was heavier than the top weight and they were going to stop me going on the rides. That fear was very real and the thought of public humilitation makes in fester inside until you’re on the brink of tears. The next minute you’re wearing the wet suit and you’re fitting in the seat of the ride and those fears melt away. Looking back those fears are irrational but feel so real at the time.
So here’s to my next adventure and working on getting that 60% confidence up to 100%. And if you are thinking of putting your life on hold because of how you feel about your weight….. DON’T YOU DARE.