The Boujee Bitches Guide to Bali

The Boujee Bitches Guide to Bali

Bali has been a bucket list destination for me for the past few years so when we decided we needed a very boujee holiday after farmwork, Bali seemed absolutely ideal.

In theory it is rather cheap to hop over the ocean from Oz to Bali and only takes 6 hours (it’s a whopping 17 from UK and I don’t think you can go direct). We booked our flights quite late so to keep the costs down decided on a long layover in Singapore. We paid around $650AUD (£400) return. Singapore is meant to be an ace airport so a 13 hour overnight layover didn’t sound too tragic (at the time). You’ve got to make these sacrifices when living the traveller life.

Flying into Bali was quite special, you fly over the sea and as you come into land you see hundreds of fishing boats bobbing on the crystal clear waters, so if you’ve bagged yourself a window seat make sure you have a peek.

Seminyak 

Head to Seminyak to hit up the beach clubs, all the best eateries, stunner sunsets and sexy sexy smoothies. It is also a perfect location if you want to head over to Changgu for the day/night.

Where to Eat

Bel Chic

Nestled just along from our villa we found Bel Chic on the first day and of course at the most Western meal on the menu – Mac N Cheese with chips and mozzarella sticks, you can take the girl out of Oz…… we paid around $15 (£8) for a dish each, a side and a beer, can’t grumble at that!

Sisterfields

If you want a very boujee vibe, great food, delicious smoothies and the most instagrammable brunch restaurant in Seminyak you should probably head to Sisterfields. A brunch with a smoothie will set you back about $20-$25 (£10- £ 15) by my oh my it is worth it. We had to queue to get in but I didn’t care and we went back on a last day, it was that good! Try the bacon benedict…. DROOL

Strawberry Fields

To say Rhi found this place when we were all hangry is an understatement. I would have eaten a scabby horse, but instead ordered the Blame Bieber burger – cheese, aoili, poutine fries all in a burger, come to mumma. It was spenny (for Bali) at about $15 (£7.50) for a burger with no drink or sides, but I’d pay it over and over again… and I did when Katie and I went back for dirty, dirty fries.

Bo and bun

The closest I got to eating Balinese food. Rhi and I devoured pork belly, spring rolls and pad Thai and Kirsty had a sexy lil Thai green curry. The food was bloody delish and the atmosphere was buzzing, a lovely little find and would definitely go back. Starters, main and a beer set me back about $25 (£13) and it was bloody worth it.

The Best Bits

Head to Seminyak beach ready for sunset. Sit on the multicoloured beanbags, with pretty lights, live music and questionable cocktails and watch the beautiful setting sun. One of my holiday highlights for sure.

Potato Head Beach Club

by far the most boujee thing we experienced in Bali, but we couldn’t leave without having a splash all the cash day. We hired a day bed, which had a minimum spend of 1.5million rupiah between 4….. let’s just say I think we spent that within the first 2 hours, but we didn’t care. The cocktails were to die for, the vibe was so chilled and the setting was perfect.

I often get nervous going to these places as worry about my unperfect beach body surrounded by super models, but I didn’t feel this at all here. With a wonderful mix of people of all ages, nationalities, shape and size it very very inclusive.

We stayed and watched the sunset in the pool with cocktails and it was absolutely idyllic, the perfect end to our boujee Bali trip.

Ubud 

I would say Ubud is classed as the ‘touristy’ part of Bali. It is where you will find the famous rice paddies and the wonderful yet bloody terrifying monkey sanctuary (more on that later). With a lot more of a busy feel, I would definitely say to go to tick off these things, but for a more laid back experience spend your time in other parts of Bali.

Where To Eat

Twist

A tiny little restaurant complete with an open kitcehn and about 8 tables. We managed to bag a table and the burger were good, not amazing but good. I went all in with the cheese, bacon, avocado, egg, mustard mayo, caramelised onion, pickled onion burger with chips and of course a beer. It was about $15 (£8) Tax was included in menu price but 5% service charge was added.

Watercress

This place is cute, very Bali and very boujee. I ordered the most delicious watermelon, pineapple and mint juice and it was soooo good. I also ordered the croque madame and fried egg. When the food arrived mine was the smallest portion so obviously I was grumpy, because I’m a little piggy. It was actually the perfect size and left me a little space for a fro-yo for dessert.

Mamma Mias

Sexy, authentic Italian pizza from a stone baked oven. We had bruschetta and garlic bread for starters, a pizza each and large beer and it was a bargain price of $14 (£7.50). Tax and service charge were included in menu price. 

Habitat Cafe

I had a deep fried egg benedict, yes, it’s exactly what it sounds like. Eggs covered in breadcrumbs and deep fried, frigging delicious and would definitely go back. I also had a well sexy smoothie, but can’t remember what it was.

The Best Bits

The Money Sanctuary

Entry to the Monkey Forest was $8 (£5) and worth it for hours of fun wandering around with the monkeys. Such incredible creatures that I could just watch for hours and hours. I saw monkeys doing things I would never imagine seeing (shagging).

They like playing with water bottles and glasses and basically everything so be careful that they don’t come and snatch it off you.

With their playful demeanor they seemed quite happy with space to roam, play, chill out and climb, although they did seem scared of some of the park rangers, which made me really sad.

All in all it was worth it, even if it was just to see the many faces of Katie O’Hagan whenever a monkey came anywhere near her.

Rice fields

The actual rice fields are okay, definitely one to tick off the list to say you’ve done it, but certainly wouldn’t hurry back.

They should be free, but I think some of the locals station themselves at the many entrances and try and charge a donation, god loves a trier eh? We managed to find an unmanned route and spent a good hour or so wandering the fields. It was frigging hot and we were bloody exhausted. There were lots of cute photo opps, but also lots of other people queing to get said cute photo.

The highlight was most definitely the Bali swing we paid $10 (£6) to swing over the paddies. It was scary as fuck, but amazing although I did have to tell him to stop in the end as felt a bit sick, lol. If you go to the rice paddies, you must do this thrilling little experience.

Mount Batur Sunrise Hike

Let’s start by saying you can get this tour for as cheap as around $30, if you wander down the back alleys, but we wanted to do a legit tour so booked through our hotel. We paid $45 (£30) which is still an absolute steal.

Now what an experience. Waking up at 2am was obviously horrendous and the waiting around (and the shitty banana pancake) was absolutely not necessary, but wow oh wow. The hike was hard and each corner we turned we thought we’d reached the top, but we bloody hadn’t. The views were bloody spectacular and watching the bright red sun peep out from the mountains behind was a moment like no other.

Make sure you take some snacks, lots of water and a few layers, because you’ll be cold first thing in the morning then freezing your bloody tits off once you’ve been hiking for an hour or so.

Padang Bei

Padang Bei is one of the main ports to get to the Gili islands. It was a quite a run down town and I personally was grateful we were only staying for the night.

The hotel (if we can call it that) owner took us to get our fast boat tickets and we paid $35 (£18) for one way. He also kindly arranged us transport to the port the next day, which didn’t actually arrive, which was good. Everyone was so chill though, apart from all of us, thankfully, we got there and on the boat with no problem at all.

Where to Eat

Omang Omang

Probably the only place that we would have felt happy eating to be completely honest. The food was good and the was very cheap if you weren’t drinking…. I of course was. I got dirty fries and 2 very good mojitos for $25 (£13). The best part was there was a live band. There were singing all the classics and watching all the oldies getting up and having a good time was an absolute hoot.

The Boring Bits

Yes Bali is cheap, but it’s not that cheap, so if you wanna be all boujee, drink G&T’s and hit the beach club, make sure you fill your pockets with those 1million dollar notes, because you will need them.

All restaurants add tax, I think they just make up what they add as some places added 10% and some places added 12%. Some places add a service charge too, so remember your meal will always be 10% more plus a bit extra for service .

The traffic is crazy, a 20km journey will take you at least 1.5 hours so make sure you add that in when you’re planning moving on.

You will be charged obscene amounts of money to withdraw cash from the ATM’s. Over a 16 day period I was charged approximately $150 (£75) absolutely eye watering, so I’m just putting it out of my mind. When I go again, I will definitely take more cash with me or if you’ve got a Monzo card load that bad boy up and you’ll be good to go.

Download the Grab and Gojak apps for taxis for a fixed price, rather than getting ripped off by a meter taxi. Be aware though they are not allowed to operate in some areas.

The snack selection is ropey at best. Don’t eat any ‘cheese’ crisps, I repeat do not eat the ‘cheese’ crisps…. they taste of custard. The pringles are fine and katie also got particularly attached to the chocolate wafers.

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