I know I talk about dieting and body confidence a lot, but that’s because it means a lot to me.
It’s been on my mind and ruining my life for years, more years than I would wish on my worst enemy. I can understand it can be triggering for some people and some of you are fed up of me talking about it, but when talking/writing about it feels therapeutic, I will carry on doing it.
When I decided to give up dieting last year it wasn’t a Ureka moment, I didn’t instantly feel fucking chipper and bounce around nibbling on sweeties and craving smoothies, but reminiscing about Christmas has really made me realise how far I’ve come.
Last year I would have probably been preparing for Christmas in November. Plan a diet regime for 4 weeks, calculate a loss or hopefully 7-10lbs to give me a lovely lil bit of leeway over Christmas.
Around the end of November the boxes of chocs would start creeping in. I’d spend the next 4 weeks in a constant turmoil of “fuck I can’t eat that” or “fuck it, it’s Christmas”.
Maybe the week or two before Christmas I would go innnnnnn. All the stuff I’d been craving all year would be on the menu. Ham and cheese croissants for breakfast? Yes please. 954 celebrations for my second breakfast, yep. Sausage roll from the trolley for a mid morning snack, it’d be rude not to.
I’d eat and eat and then I’d eat some more. I’d keep eating when I was full and just keep stuffing it in, because it was Christmas and I’d waited all year to be able to do this, so I would god damn make the most of it.
That would happen for about 3 weeks I imagine. I’d be pretty smug that I’d starved myself in November so I could put it all back on (and some).
I’d spend forever planning the new year diet, something strict like the egg diet or soup diet for a week and then probably slimming world. I’d of course lose 7lbs in the first week because of all the water weight and the restriction and I’d feel even more smug and would then get to work on “the new me” because I’d be pretty certain she would show her face in the new year.
Sounds exhausting right? Well guess what? It was!
Now I don’t ‘diet’ I’m not constantly craving things I’ve spent my whole life restricting myself from.
Yesterday I had a MCD breakfast, because I was hungry and I fancied it. I didn’t think shit I’ve ruined my diet so I’ll eat shit for the rest of the week or I didn’t counteract the MCD by eating only salad for the rest of the week. I enjoyed it, it filled me up and I carried on with my day. Simple as
I didn’t force myself to eat all the chocolate in the house before 1st January so I was ready to start my diet.
I ate a lovely christmas dinner and enjoyed it all the more for not stuffing myself to burrsting.
I ate cheese and crackers for breakfast and drink a hell of a lot of wine, but I also ate fruit and vegetables and drink water.
All in all, I didn’t treat Christmas any different, because now I have taught myself to eat what I fancy when I fancy with no guilt attached (sometimes there is still guilt, don’t get me wrong) I didn’t feel the need to only eat Christmas based goods for 3 weeks solidly.
I’ve spent the last year working on and changing my mind set, self love, self acceptance or just body neutrality.
Diets don’t work, I’m living proof of that.
Here’s to 2020, saying fuck you to diets, diet culture and instead embracing how wonderful and different every single one of us are.