It’s the new year and everyone is crippling under the pressure of their new year’s resolutions. After 10 days (or more) of gluttony, enjoyment, happiness and wine, people are sitting at their desk on their first day back at work and depriving themselves food, caffeine, diet drinks, meat, carbs and sucking the life out of themselves on the worst day at work in the world and so it begs the question “why do it to yourself?”.
I’m pretty sure new year should probably start in July when the weather is hot and people feel freckly and happy and motivated to actually get out of the house and make the changes they’ve promised the world they are going to do. But New Year falls in crappy January when it’s cold and the duvet on the sofa and films all day is the only life you want to live.
I’m heading into the New Year with goals (I’ve written about them here) goals that last a year and can start, today, tomorrow or March if I wish but aren’t a strict regime that I’m forcing myself to adhere too, however my main issue is my body and me. As I go into the new year I really wanted to embrace eating healthy and working on the demons in my head that tell me all these horrible things about the way I look and feel, however I’m finding it really hard because of the argument going on in my head. Do I actually want to fight the flab before I fight the demons, because surely that’s a win, win situation? I lose a stone (or 2) and feel happier and healthier in my body and then I can start working on how I feel about myself. However the issue is, I’m never, ever happy when I lose a stone (or 2). I still pull and tug at the bits I hate, I cry when I look in the mirror and I still think “right another stone (or 2) and I’ll be so damn happy with myself”. It never works that way though and I’m stuck in a predicament.
I haven’t been to the shops much this New Year because LOL absolutely no fricking money ever again for the rest of my life, but everywhere I have been have been promoting slimming and fitness. Tiger’s window display which in December was filled with deers and Christmas mugs, has been replaced by yoga mats and exercise equipment. Book shops are displaying every single one of their “lose a 10lbs in 10 days” with this super diet, which will consist of steak and tomatoes and eggs and smelly farts and no pooing for 10 days and will make you feel shit and once you’ve lost 10lb you’ll put 11 back on again, because “hello food, my oldest and dearest friend, I’ve missed you”. Every advert between TV shows is a fat loss DVD or a gym advert. I’m even getting emails and blog suggestions “how to lose weight in 2018”. Why does everyone want me to just lose weight rather than learn to love myself? And it’s making me question it, Do I want to lose weight than love myself?
I think to summarise, I’m never going to love myself without combating the demons and I am never, ever going to win the fight the flab battle, but I’m not too sure if I want to give up that fight quite yet, because size 14 Topshop me wore sassier clothes, because she fitted into them. So here’s to maybe a few months of not dieting but filling my body with all the good stuff (and some bad stuff, winky face) and moving about a bit more, because the last thing I want to have to do is buy a whole new summer wardrobe.