After 2 weeks, Approx 4,000 km’s, 10 destinations, the most wonderful beaches, some delicious rum, lots of wildlife, too many fuel stops a new addiction to iced coffee and more creeks than I can even begin to recall (stopped counting during one journey at 54 and we were only 2 hours in) we are finally back in sunny Brisbane, Oz and at Rhi’s family to enjoy some home comforts.
I wrote a few thoughts whilst on the road, but have now had time to fully reflect on Campervan Life.
Firstly, it’s not for the faint hearted. You’ve got to be okay with small spaces, basically living on each other’s lap and a heat like no other.
Every time you want to go to sleep you’ll be performing a fucking magicians act to rival Paul Daniels (RIP), to get the bed into place, made and all other items stashed somewhere that isn’t on the bed. Every single thing has a specific place but you won’t work that out until day 13, when you will finally have your perfectly cheorgraphed routine down from 527 minutes to an impressive 8.
As soon as you’ve completed your time in the crystal maze you’ll realise that you need something that’s in the bottom of your bag under 32 other bags and the rigamorole starts all over again.
You will get bitten to death. Even after using bug repellant wipes, 2 sprays and burning a shitty candle that some bint promised would work…. clearly because she just wanted a sale. Yes sleeping by a river is nice, but a leg that looks like a car crash isn’t quite so nice. On return to the real world I counted over 60 bites and it had really started to get me down by the end of our trip.
Some of the bites may have been caused by having to sleep with the door open some nights because we were sleeping in a fucking furnace “hello murders, we’re here ready and waiting for you, please come in”. Seriously one night I was so hot I cried in the middle of the night because I felt so sorry for myself.
**TIP** if you’re going campervanning, for god sake but yourself a cheap fan.
When it rains, you are basically fucked. Your options include sitting on the bed (if it’s made) and cry, sit under any sort of cover you can find and cry, whilst sweating your absolute tits off. If the bed isn’t made or your power isn’t plugged in you’ll spend a grumpy ten minutes doing all of that whilst getting absolutely drenched….. no, you’re having the best time.
You will never get over how many butterflies will fly into your windscreen and give themselves an early grave. The fist time was horrific and then it just became the norm.
Campsite amenities will vary dramatically….. sharing your shower with creepy crawlies will become the norm and sometimes you’ll choose skipping washing is a better option than the shit show that they call washing facilities.
All shame will evaporate once you have to go for a wee behind your van whilst trying desparelty not to either:
- Piss down your leg or on your foot
- Get seen by another human or animal
Once you’ve broken the wee barrier you’ll get all ballsy and start getting changed and all risqué things you wouldn’t usually dream of doing.
Fear will happen often when one minute your fuel is half full and the next minute it’s on empty and there isn’t a petrol station for another 100km, but somehow you make it and of course buy yourself an iced coffee and clean your screen of all the butterflies.
Washing up is a joke. You have to sort of pump the water and it’s of course cold. I gave up after day 1 and kept traipsing to the toilets/kitchen to do the washing up.
Throughout your trip you’ll realise that they clearly don’t clear the vans out properly and you’ll find a plethora of belongings from previous camper vanners. We were ‘lucky’ enough to find a first aid kit, a Tupperware lid, an empty box of cheese (camberbert no less), a used flannel and a skanky little hairbrush.
Carbs will become your new staple food group. Toast for breakfast, sandwiches for lunch, crisps for snacks and noodles or pasta for dinner and you’ll sort of be okay about it.
Throughout your whole trip you’ll always feel a bit grubby, your clothes will feel a bit grubby and be creased to hell and you will probably actually smell a bit grubby too. All that sweat and heat and confined space isn’t good for a gals personal care.
But best of all, you will get to experience the most wonderful places and spend ages just in awe of the the beaches, the wildlife and the blue skies and sunshine. Waking up to a different sunrise every morning is a feeling like no other and just packing up your life and heading onto the next destination is the sort of life I wanna lead.