It’s 2:05pm and I’ve eaten 2 crumpets (1 with marmite) and 3 deliciously divine malteser fridge bites (approx 954 cals each) shall we class that as breakfast and lunch or lunch and a snack, hmmm I’m not really sure? However that pretty much sums up my life…. some days I eat almond milk, chia seed smoothies with spinach (gag) and the rest of the time I’m unable to control myself and rather than having one little treat, suddenly I’m knee deep in melted chocolate.
This year I decided to buck my trend and not put “lose weight” on my list of new year goals and instead work on being healthy and happy with my body…… as you can probably tell it’s not going so well! It’s late Feb and I think I’m heavier than 1st Jan, fuck sake. But when it boils down to it am I happy, yes I bloody well am, maybe not with my body but i feel happier than I have been in the past. I’ve not been on social media nearly as much (still a lot) as last year and you know what I think that helps. Girls aren’t all skinny with lovely tanned legs and prance about all day in bikinis …… ITS UNREALISTIC! so instead I’m making a conscious effort to stalk real girls out there who have curves and are embracing that…. yes shout out to my boo Hannah Gale **anyone notice my ridiculous girl crush? Nuh uh, me either** it’s obviously going to be a long process and maybe I’ve realised I’ll never be a size 10, but all I want right now is to feel lovely in all my clothes that I currently feel uncomfortable in, which is just the worst feeling. Size doesn’t really matter but what matters is how I feel when I go into topshop and they either don’t have my size or it feels like my “size” is bursting at the seams…… TOPSHOP DON’T YOU KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING TO MY SELF ESTEEM?!?!!!
You know what else we all need to do, bring each other up rather than tear each other down, because do you know what the best feeling in the world is, someone telling you how nice you look, or how a colour suits you or that they’ve got shirt envy, that feels bloody lovely. This one time my friends and I went to the races and I told every single stranger who looked amazing, exactly that! You ought to see people’s faces, a look of pure elation that a stranger had taken the time to approach them and comment on how great they looked. It also felt rather empowering to be that person boosting people’s confidence. Admit I was ridiculous pissed and would probs never do it sober, but that’s (sort of) irrelevant.
I feel this post has gone a bit rambly, but that’s me I suppose, going off on feminism rants!
To sum up, these next few months I’m going to be working on me and my confidence and self esteem and if I lose weight along the way that really would be a bonus, but if I don’t and I end up loving myself, I can’t really see a problem, can you?